Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
