Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize