dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
