Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
