your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
