I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize