I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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