Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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