im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
