u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
