I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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