he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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