I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
