sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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