I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
