just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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