Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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