I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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