She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
