I'm eating all of the evidence.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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