Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
