Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
