I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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