the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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