she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
