Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize