do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize