I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can't talk, ducks in the car
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
