i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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