Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
