Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
