I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
