Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
