Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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