Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize