I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
