i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
