We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There r osticjed everywhere
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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