My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
