omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
