The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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