I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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