a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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