I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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