I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
