I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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