cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
