I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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