it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
