The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
