awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize