i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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