My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize