plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize