Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
