She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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