Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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