He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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