how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize