She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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