i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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