we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize