He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
