I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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