My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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