the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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