The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize