My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
