Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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