how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
