just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
